Sunday Mornings Got Easier With a Little Handle in the Car Door

The church parking lot on a Sunday morning is where I finally stopped pretending. Gene had been quiet the whole ride over, which is how I know something is on his mind. When we parked, he opened the passenger door, set both feet on the pavement, and pushed himself up. Nothing happened. He tried again, got halfway, and sat back down. On the third try I put my hand under his arm and pulled, and he came up, and my left knee filed a complaint I would be hearing from all through second service.

I am 71. Four years ago I had my left knee replaced. Gene is 74 and his right hip is not what it was. Between us we have a shelf of things meant to help: a rollator, a folding cane Gene carries in his left hand, a grabber by the kitchen door. Every one earned its place. None of them did anything for getting out of a car.

The EMSON Original Car Cane was the first thing we bought that was built for that one motion. Getting out of a car is not the same as standing up from a chair, and it took me a while to see why it was so hard for him. There is nothing at hip height to push down on. The seat sits low and soft, your feet are under you, and to get up you twist, and the twist is the part that hurts. Dana, my physical therapist, explained that to me before I bought anything. She said the car is one of the hardest places for a bad hip, and she suggested a support that slots into the door latch rather than a wife pulling on an arm. I ordered the two pack on a Tuesday.

Here is what the thing actually is, because I had to see one to understand it. The EMSON car cane weighs 16 ounces and measures 8 inches long by 2 inches wide, forged steel, rated to support up to 350 pounds, with a soft nonslip grip on a knob handle. You slide it into the U-shaped latch on the door frame, the same spot the door catches when it closes, and it locks in there. The door stays open while you use it, and you pull the cane out before you shut the door. It only works when the car is parked, which is exactly when you need it. Ours live in the door pockets, one on the passenger side for Gene and one on the driver side for me.

The first Sunday, he did not say anything about it, which is Gene. He set it in the latch, put his hand on it, and stood up on the first push. Then he stood there a second, like he was checking whether it had really been that easy. It has been 18 months. Getting out has stayed easier. I use mine on my side because of the knee, mostly when the sedan is parked on a slope or when my leg is stiff after a long rehearsal.

He stood up on the first push, then stood there a second, checking whether it had really been that easy.

The part I did not expect was how much it changed the ride over. Gene used to start bracing himself about a mile from the church, working out the angle, deciding which arm to use. Now he just opens the door and stands up. It does not do much for getting into the seat, and I want to be straight about that, because the ads make it sound like both. Getting in is still a slow sit and a slide. It is the getting out that was beating us. It also does not fit every car. We had a loaner for a week in March while the sedan was in the shop, and on that one the latch was shaped differently and the cane sat loose, so we left it in the trunk and went back to pulling.

The other thing worth saying is about pride, because that was the real obstacle and not the hardware. Gene turned down a cane for eleven months. He turned down the rollator for months, until his hip gave out at the county fair and I had to walk back to the car for it. The EMSON car cane he accepted without an argument, and I think it is because it does not look like an admission. It looks like car equipment. It sits in a door pocket next to a tire gauge. Nobody at church sees it. He just gets out of the car.

There are three things built into it beyond the handle. A light, which I use more than I expected, mostly to find the keyhole in a dark garage. A seatbelt cutter. A window breaker. I have never touched the last two and I hope I never need to, and I would rather have them in the door pocket than not. The grip is soft and does not slip when your hands are cold or wet, which matters more than it sounds like it would in an Ohio January. It is rated for 350 pounds. Gene is not a small man, and it does not flex under him.

And if you are the one doing the pulling, this is for you too. That Sunday in the lot, the thing that scared me was not Gene falling. It was that I might not be able to hold him much longer, at 5 foot 4 with a four year old knee replacement. My own cane does not help with that. This does. He stands on his own, and I stand there with my hands full of the church bulletin and my alto folder, useless in the way I would like to be.

What I'd Tell You If We Were Sitting at My Kitchen Table

If we were sitting at my kitchen table and you asked me what to do, here is what I would say. Ask your physical therapist before you buy anything, the way I ask Dana, because she knows your hip and I do not. Then go out to your own car with the door open and look at the latch. That is the piece the cane sits in, and no two cars are shaped the same, so check yours before you order. Put one in the passenger door first, since that is usually where the trouble starts. And do not wait for a bad morning in a parking lot to decide. We waited about two years longer than we needed to, and the only thing that got us moving was embarrassment, which is a poor reason and a common one.